Saturday, November 14, 2009

~* It Ended As Worst As It Could (Edited) *~

Did you ever cry in the middle of the exam? I did. Just today. I was seriously stressed up because of one paper on both Monday and Wednesday and another two papers today. Yes, two papers for today. I worked very hard and put all my efforts in it. Once, i stayed in the library until it closed. I woke up in the middle of the night to study, as in 2 a.m. and 4.a.m.

Today is the day i sat for 2 papers. I was really nervous when i was doing the second paper. My hands were really shaking and i could not write. My heart was beating so fast that i had to breathe very hard. I told myself to calm down. But the time did not allow me to do that. The clock was ticking real fast. My mind was completely blank or should i say blocked? Because i could not feel that the flow of ideas at all!

Then, i realised that i would be failing in this paper. I could not do the questions and my mind was really 'heavy'! I could not think! I was so devastated feeling that after all the efforts i have put in, i would deserve nothing. The next thing i realised was tears on my answer booklet. I forced myself to think, i forced myself to do, and i cried at the same time.

My lecturer knew that. He came to my desk and gave me a thread to tie my two answer booklets. But i already had one. Perhaps he did not know how to console me; thus, he just simply came and talk anything to me.

After the exam had ended, it was time to release everything. I no longer had the need to hold my tears so badly.
**********
Bad news. Bad news. Bad news. I had a dream last night on John Stanley Murugesu, my lecturer for the the subject that i am going to fail terribly. He told me that i did very badly for my paper. The next moment i knew, i was in his class. This is really so not fun!

2 comments:

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da'biZaRRe said...

hmmm...dun cry too early...like me...i never cry during or after a paper...i cry only after knowing i failed it...or them...lolz