Friday, December 19, 2008

*~ Words Can Hurt ~*

I don't know the last time i get personal here. I used to have my blogs dedicated to myself regardless how personal or sensitive the things were and i was glad to share my blog with my close friends. Until, my blog is getting hits from other people who are not really close such as bloggers, acquaintances, friends' friends or even total strangers. I guess here i am again to get personal. For once more, i start to question who the hell i am in people's eyes when it comes to the issue which i just don't feel like mentioning about it here. Because it happens again, i also don't feel like telling the same person about the same issue before anyone gets pissed.

Let's start with asking myself to see if i am invisible? I guess i am in some people's eyes. They don't mind the words said. They don't bother about the limit. Even though we are from the same planet, (to be precise, it is Venus), but it does not mean everyone of them will the same or really that similar. Previously, i had kept my eyes closed one side until there was this moment when i talked to the person concerned about it. I was being convinced that as long as the main parties in the issue stand strong and support each other, everything else does not matter.

It just happens again and it really irritates me though a little bit. Seriously, i strongly agree and believe what that person told me before this, but somehow, when it happens again, i will still feel a bit uneasy about it. Will you feel the same when you know certain thing that happens won't change anything but it will somehow make you feeling uneasy or weird or negative? Unless i am seriously numb about it on one fine day. And yes, i am getting more numb than before when it happens over and over again but i still terasa.

Nothing can be done now unless holding to the words spoken and waiting for the day when i get completely numb about it.


Tse Ngar said...

when you said that, and when i relate to myself....i wonder is somebody provoking you and your dear? cause my heart feel a slight flinch when i read them.

all i could remember when i finish ur article is somebody's foolish use of words and crossing boundary action to make me and my partner argue. how i hope i can hire an sniper and put her down for good. lol

Autumn Babe said...

*give me 5* wow~ !!! it seems like you really know and understand what i am facing here though i believe that i did not say it until too expressive.

hmmm... i thought of not mentioning about it anymore in front of him which made me blogged about it here though not explicitly. if he gets it, then fine but he does not, then forget it. however, it seemed like i could not hold myself back.

when we came across one topic, instantly i recalled back the issue and i just told him everything. telling him that really needed a lot of guts especially i could sense the butterflies in my stomach and my heart was beating so fast.

did you know why i felt so? it was because i feel myself SO IRRITATING that i could not shut up about it and i had to repeat myself again over the same damn issue! after i had told him, i hate myself even more! i feel so bad about myself. :(

well, he might be upset or mad when i mentioned about it (although he did not show his reaction, i could tell it from his eyes), but at least we did not argue. instead he offered me solution which i was glad that he did so. :)

i am still feeling myself so BITCHY!

Tse Ngar said...

lol. so damn agree with you.

sometimes i would choose to ignore that damn ignorant bitch, but she would be even more interested to poke my nose and as if making faces at me.

she's a total nonsense yet a good friend of my partner. until this very moment, though i act nothing, but my heart still aches and burns everytime i heard her name.

I'm glad your partner knows well how to tackle it with you.

Autumn Babe said...

phew~ glad to have you understanding me here. well, let's sum it up. hmm... all i can say is your situation is far more serious than mine. mine is just a minor one, i think. hope that both of you can get rid of that issue and continue with the romance. :)

Tse Ngar said...

i guess the world is meant to have some kind of bitches like these no avoidance.

anyway, thanks. hug*