Sunday, May 18, 2008

~* Big Fat Lies To Myself *~

I am just lying to myself all the while that i have moved on, i am alright and i have got rid of him. They are all lies. Totally lies! And i got lies from him too after the break up. Funny. Who am i for him to still telling me truths, doing what he has said, caring about me and replying me? I am nothing and stop telling me i am something to you. I have become someone worse than his friends. As always, the ways he treats his friends never fail to disappoint the friends.

I got to know from him during a shouting phone conversation that people around him said that he should be mad at me for posting each fucking break up every single detail here and he had chosen not to say. Define your meaning of "every single detail", please. This really made me so fucking pissed off! People out there, let me tell you something. There were a lot of things between me and him that you all never watched before. Things which always made me the fucking damn bitch. Right before i even posted on our break up, i actually wanted to post about every single day after we broke up. However, i did not do that.

Instead, i actually posted on how upset i was (and i am still fucking upset until this damn moment) and how it actually affected my days. Then, on how people around me concerned about me. With no bias in that damn post! Thus, stop judging the damn book by its cover and stop having prejudice on me! I have suffered enough! Just because of a post in my blog, you all said he should be mad at me. You all please ask him how he treated me after the break up. Be fair!

The next time i meet you guys, please stop pretending in front of me. I hate pretenders especially those who see me often and are going to say "Hi" to me, but actually hate me until deep down the earth just because on how i managed this extremely hurtful relationship. I am dealing with him alone is freaking enough and i don't need you all to judge me just from his damn side.

And what i wrote as a comment for his latest post was damn true. He chose to break up. He chose to stay with the job. Then, he has to live with it and live better than me and not worse than me! But, i am the one with no choice. Not even of getting back. And i have to deal with the break up of no chance of getting back. I am not writing shit!

2 comments:

Chrissy said...

hi. me passing by. well i think if u like him like alot or love la. n if he say like tat also. mayb try to compromise? work things out slowly? relationship arent a bed of roses. it needs time n strength :)

Anonymous said...

...no one can't live without another. basic fact of life.truly understand how hurtful you are especially after more than a year. but get back up to show you are alive and kicking. men are weird species in nature. he would probably sleep so good at night knowing you still miss him and living miserably. let him and yourself know, you only need yourself to be great.