*~ Life Crisis (Update 1) ~*

What is so wrong with myself, people? Can't i just have whatever i want or wish for even just for the most simplest thing? Luck obviously does not side me nowadays. I have been working so hard. No last minute works on my assignments. No procrastination in catching up with my studies.

In one week, i just handed in three assignments that i did with all my efforts and hoping that i would be got rewarded. The "rewards" were somehow pretty awesome. Won two invitations to the Puma Furio Party but the party was not within my expectation. Even that night itself was bad enough for me to go through. About the Puma merchandise worth RM250, one word - sucks.

Yea, here i was at home on a Saturday that happens very seldom just because err.. myself also don't really know the answer. My mum was surprised too. And yea, i have been feeling irritated easily. Mr. [R] himself also can't escape from my badly mood swing situation. Perhaps, i was having too much stress and exhausted and this will continue until the end of April with the hope that things will really slow down from there.

After so many unwanted and unhappy issues, from the simplest to most complicated things, i thought it was time for me to rejuvenate myself and stop making people around me unhappy too - think positively, act positively. Someone as pessimistic as me is saying that. Trust me. It is not easy to think and act positively. Great efforts are needed.

Fine. When i felt hopeful and alive again, which then here came an opportunity, i was brutally slammed with disappointment again! Again and again and again and again.... I know this happens in life but i don't expect it to happen on me continuously in a extremely short period.

Oh please. Give me a break.

It's 5.09 a.m. right now. I could not sleep. I don't remember when was the last time i had a very bad insomnia. I had been waking up every single hour and each time i put myself asleep back, i would wake up again the following hour. All thanked to the nightmares. Yea, nightmare for every single hour. Imagine that! Cold palms. Cold feet. Cold sweat. Fast-beating heart. Nervous. Angry. Emotional. Headache. Lost control. Lost my mind.

Even worse, when i felt like shouting or crying out loud, i could not. It was not because i might afraid to wake my family members up. Rather, the reason was as simple as, "I could not". Do you know how awful it is when you want to cry out loud, you really try, but you just can't?

Did i just get fooled by my own self?

So sorry to those people who get affected from my one of the worst mood swings, especially Mr. [R].

Oh God, i am desperate for sleeping pills now. Let me go back to the bed right now and discover some.